Is your dad boring?

IF so, I feel bad for you, because mine isn’t. Say what you will about him, (and many have) boring is not an adjective that could ever be used to describe my father.

For this reason, we had a very entertaining two weeks when my dad visited us in September. I may have been at times exasperated, perplexed, and/or irritated, but I was never bored.  My dad is the type of person who really knows things–someone who could talk at length with authority on a great many number of subjects–and he has the experience to back it up.

This is only a problem if you don’t feel like listening.

He also can truthfully say that he is a rocket scientist, and has worked for companies with well-known names like “NASA” and also companies with questionable sounding names like “GYRATION.”

Side note: I was a secretary at the latter company one summer, and it does take some skillful elocution to answer the phones and make sure you are pronouncing the name of the company like a noun, not a verb.

I thought I would compose this post in the honor of his visit as a sort of quiz.  If you know my dad, then you have an excellent chance of scoring well. Even if you don’t know my dad, but may have a similarly non-boring (some might say eccentric) father, then you have a pretty good chance of not flunking.

Take the poll, just for fun. However, if you are competitive, you may want to jot down your answers to compare with the real answers which will be provided right after the question. (Try not to scroll down until you’ve voted, as the pictures may give it away).

Note on scoring:

2 points per correct answer.

Some incorrect answers may still receive 1 point.  I’ve allowed a few write-in answers, which will award you a bonus point.   Prizes to the winners, so leave your score in the comments section. Scout’s honor, now- my dad is a former Scoutmaster!

Sharpen your clicking finger and let’s go!

1. 

1. A- 2 pts.

If you selected any other answer, give yourself 1 point, because capable of ALL of those projects, we just didn’t have time.  Plus I don’t have a backyard for 13 fruit trees…but maybe someday!

The sanding was NOT Fiona's favorite part of the project.

Fiona much preferred painting...

...herself!

Grandpa Daryl really wanted her to be part of the process.

They made a really good team.

2.  

Correct answer is C.

When my dad saw that Rijen and I had filled our water glasses up with ice, he complimented us.  Not really the first thing I would have thought which would get such  approval, but hey, I will take it.  Compliments from my father are elusive and sometimes you have to think about them a while to figure out whether it was a compliment or a complaint.  This one was clear though.

He kind of also approved of my dishes, but with the caveat that they weren’t corning-ware. That would have brought high marks.  I realize that my dad favors function over form, and I strive for a suitable combination of the two, with probably form winning out. I’m sure that irritates engineers.

My dad does NOT approve of my hair color change, btw. Minus ONE point if you chose that.

3. 

D.  All of the above occured, although “A” was the most noteworthy.

Give yourself 1 point if you chose A or B. Give yourself 2 points if you have ever EATEN pickle relish on Tacos (or vow to do so next time you have a taco- trust me, it’s actually good!) and 2 if you chose D, the correct answer.

4. 

Correct answer: B- 2 pts

Of all the museums that we could have gone to in Austin, I was happy that my dad chose to go to the Children’s museum with Fiona.  She was a little overwhelmed with all the kids and interactive displays. I felt like she did best when my dad worked with her one-on-one, like this:

It was funny though, when my dad approached the cashier at the gift shop to ask about Gyros.  Unfortunately, they did not have any at the moment…to which I was afraid that my dad was going to reach into his pocket and launch into a demonstration of his Gyro mouse which he has been rumored to keep with him at all times.

5.  

Answer: C.  Enough said.

6. 

This is one of the things I love about my dad: He can take a hanger and 2 clementines and come up with something really cool. I would never have thought to do this.

Physics in action!

7. 

Correct answer: D- 2pts. 1 point if you chose B or C, and also 2 points if you chose A, since this was his biggest complaint. I just found it a bit ironic that when he would start into his harangue about the dance music being too loud at the dances, his voice would get louder and louder too!

8.

Although “D” is somewhat true, (1pt) the correct answer is “B.”

Again, very impressed that my dad was able to open the VCR, figure out what was wrong and fix it.  We wanted to watch old VHS tapes he brought, but the VCR had stopped working. I was going to just buy a cheap one, but it was even cheaper (and greener) that he could fix it.  Thanks dad!

9. 

Correct answer: B- 2pts.

I will never forget the night when my mom went grocery shopping, leaving Steffan, my dad and I in the car. Somehow, my dad came up with the idea of doing animal sounds in a totally different way.  He started wondering, “How would a horse imitate a cow?”  And then launched into an incredible, eerily accurate rendition of exactly what that might sound like.

It is hard to describe, but feel free to try and replicate it yourself- it can provide endless entertainment.  (Cat imitating dog, chicken imitating a sheep..endless possibilities for channeling animal comedians.) And if you ever have the opportunity to, you must ask my dad to demonstrate in person. Maybe next time I can get it on tape.

Also, 1 point if you KNOW the 2000 lb canary joke. (Canary/parrot, whichever you think is funnier)

For those of you who don’t know it:

Q: What does a 2000 lb canary  say?

A: CHIRP (shouted at the top of your lungs).

P.S. This joke is best said while on a ski lift in Utah.

10.

C. Grey’s Anatomy!  2pts!

I was floored that my dad watches this show, but I was really happy to have someone to watch the premiere with me.  The Good Wife is his show, and he didn’t really like any of the other TV shows we watched, although he was a very good sport to watch them with us, since he was here when all the premieres aired.  I thought he might appreciate Survivor, being a Scout enthusiast, but the reality aspect of the show does not appeal to him at all.

Addendum to original post: When Rijen read this last night, he reminded me that when we questioned my dad as to why he watches Grey’s Anatomy (as I don’t think he really fits the show demographics exactly) he replied that he, “needed to fill his medical show quota after ER ended).  Trust my Dad to make TV watching sound scientific.  Also, I should note that my dad’s favorite show is Charlie Rose.   

11.

B. Waffles with walnuts. 2 pts.

One of the achievements I hope to accomplish in my life is to be “known” for some recipe that people always want me to make. (Maybe my mac & cheese?) My dad is FAMOUS for his waffles made from scratch & he always makes them with or without nuts.

The pictures here are making pancakes though, not waffles. I was too busy eating waffles to take pictures the time he made them.  He does make good crepe-like pancakes too!

Fiona is put to work.

"What do I do next?"

All dads make Mickey Mouse Pancakes.

12. 

D- 2pts This was a trick question, so give yourself 1 pt. if you chose any of the others.  A, B, and C are true, but they are stories I have previously heard.  D was a new one.

SO, I was kind of shocked to find out that it was standard course for the boys to swim nude during gym class when my dad attended L.A. High.  The way my dad described it, there were two separate pool facilities for the girls and the boys. For whatever reason (can anyone explain this to me?) the guys all swam naked.  Have I stated this enough times in this paragraph?!! Everyone was swimming without clothes!! At school!!!

My first question to my dad was, “So did the girls do their swimming lessons in the nude as well?” My dad (to his credit?) did not know the answer to that.  I asked him tons of follow up questions and I guess that it wasn’t that big of a deal back then and there was absolutely no way that anyone could get into or see into the pool area when these nude classes were in session. Can you imagine? My dad said that jumping off the diving board wasn’t fun though.  For another story about him skinny dipping, you will have to ask him in person….

Ok after typing this, I had to fact check, and the excellent source Wikipedia has this to say on the matter:

Before the YMCA began to admit females in the early 1960s, swimming trunks were not even allowed in the pools,^[5] and high school swimming classes for boys sometimes had similar policies, citing the impracticality of providing and maintaining sanitary swimming gear and clogging swimming pools’ filtration systems with lint fibers from the swimsuits. These practices were common because of the perception that there was nothing wrong or sexual about seeing members of the same gender in the nude, especially in these indoor contexts among equals in ‘birthday suituniform’. In some areas, this extended well into the early 1970s.

13. 

Perfect shirt for Dad's "stuff."

A- 2pts, D-1pt.  I remember when I was in high school and wanted to shop at Banana Republic, my dad had complaint “D.”  So I was relieved that he was willing to go into the store when we went shopping together and actually liked the shirt I picked out for him.

Although he just couldn’t resist airing his grievance about the pockets to the lady who, to her credit, politely checked him out without comment.  To his credit, he was self-aware enough to admit to her that he knew that she couldn’t do anything about it.

So, to any BR design execs who are reading this post: MAKE YOUR SHIRT POCKETS BIGGER FOR ALL OF YOUR CUSTOMERS WHO LIKE TO PUT LOTS OF THINGS IN THEM!

Congratulations! You made it to the end of Dad’s quiz.  Time to tally up your points. Don’t forget, if you wrote in any answers, you get a bonus point.  

25-32 points: Is your name Steffan?

Congratulations! You must know my dad well, or have a dad much like him. 

17-24: Very Good!

Are you a well-read single woman between the age of 50-65 who enjoys hiking, photography, needs a brand-new garage door, is a good listener and may be looking for a serious relationship? If so, contact me. 

9-16: Average

You need to spend some time pruning fruit trees with my dad. I’ll email you his address. 

1-8: Poor Performance

You must have a boring dad. My sympathies are with you.  

Leave your score in the comments and I will award you your prizes!

Grand Prize:  The current contents of my dad’s suit blazer and pants pockets. There is bound to be a jolly rancher or two, and maybe even a tootsie roll.  (wrapper optional).

Runner up: The secret to dad’s never ending orange juice. I did finally figure it out.

All who participate: I will give you my dad’s famous waffle recipe. Just make sure you add walnuts, they really make them delicious.

Thanks for playing!